HOLINESS IS WHAT I LONG FOR

There is a great song that Sonicflood does that has the lyrics “Holiness, holiness is what I long for.” Those words speak to my soul because we ought to be holy and blameless, It is something we all naturally desire because it is seared into our hearts. I remember back at the moment I became reborn in Christ. There was a depth of joy, and peace, and a wholeness of the love of Christ that flooded over me. It wasn't just some sort of feeling. It was something that simply enveloped me and completed me. I can’t help but grin from ear to ear as I think of it today. I remember how I couldn't wait to go to church to worship. I clung on to every Word that came from the Bible,…I looked forward to the next teaching Pastor Rudd would bring from the pulpit. I had never enjoyed reading before, but the Bible and great books from outstanding Christian authors became important to feed on. I grabbed every opportunity to serve and to help at church. I had a really good time. No one knew me or even cared who I was…and it was all okay! I was just another happy Christian!

I think in those early days of my new life I even had a grip on holiness…I just didn't know it. I didn’t realize it was something special because in my mind, that's just how it's meant to be. There were so many saints around me and I was learning from them. While I was of course a work in progress (and, if I am to be painfully honest, it appears that I still am, very much so), the joy of a personal relationship with Jesus made thoughts of sinning the furthest thing from my mind. I had no desire or appetite for it.

Then church happened. There came a time when I became noticed by church leaders and elders (as well as the people who thought of themselves as elders and appointed themselves as such,…I think you know the people I am talking about). Suddenly it began to matter what I wore, how I looked, who my friends were in church and even who I sat with during services. Up until that point I was in a place of such delight in my Savior, that I was blind to the undercurrents of church politics and the modern day Pharisees that are in our midst. I ran into religiosity. I was suddenly under scrutiny… not by the light of the Jesus…but by the eyes of man.

I have a dear friend and mentor who tells of how a tie tac was preached right off his tie (and it was a pretty nice tie tac). I suppose I began to wonder why should it matter if I tuck my shirt in or not? Isn't it okay if I wear jeans? They are pretty decent you know,… they don’t have too many rips or tears. So what if I am wearing a plain old t-shirt? Does being trendy mean I am not holy enough? And, what does it matter if I sit with someone with less than a great reputation in church? I mean, someone's gonna have to sit with that person…right? I just attended a seminar where the speaker challenged us with the question… “How many non-Christian friends other than family do you meet with?” How are we to be salt and light if we don’t associate with non-Christians, or even the Christian wannabes?

The Bible tells us “not to conform to the world but be transformed” (Romans 12:2). I am fearful that a version of the world exists in our churches also. This is the world of false religion that tries to fit us into a standard mold of its own definition. I found myself being conformed to legalism and I hated it. I began to experience striving to attain, rather than the joy of experiencing God, and I found myself struggling between law and grace.

Nothing changed inside me. I wanted to be holy. I desired it more than ever, and religion seemed to offer the direction. However, I also recognized how the Pharisees followed this path of religiousness, and it did not lead them closer to God. I continued even with tireless service, but it became burdensome and strained, because religion weighs a ton. Even the lightest load would get pretty heavy when we bear something long enough. The joy of my First Love was being squeezed out by do's and don’ts. His yoke is supposed to be easy and light (Matthew 11:30). It is not supposed to weigh a ton. So I gave up that burden, and embraced grace. His yoke is still a yoke, and I have chosen to be yoked to Jesus. I love being in a personal relationship with Him. What a relief when He carries my burdens. His friendship and His thoughts of me is now what defines me. I don’t have to worry about what others think about me any longer. That’s what happens when God is BIG and people are SMALL (“Thanks” to my friend for the book and His wise counsel on that!). He fights those battles for me now. I just need to follow His instructions, love God, love people, serve Him, and live righteously (Deuteronomy 10:12-13).

I freed myself from religious expectations (both those imposed by others, and those imposed on myself) and I am back where I should be with my First Love. I found the same grace I experienced when I first became reborn! And, what about holiness? Well, I may have a better grasp of it than ever before…I still seek it, I long for it, and I am growing in it. I think that's what transformation is. It is from the inside out, and it frees us.

There is always this question of law versus grace that seems to come up again and again. But, why does law have to be at odds with grace anyway? Jesus wasn't at odds with the law (although He didn't like religious legalism). Jesus came to fulfill the law (Matthew 5:17). The law teaches us and leads us to Christ (Galatians 3:24). The Old Testament is not at odds with the New Testament. The Law has never been changed and it never will according to Matthew 5:18. But grace gives me life with my First Love . It doesn’t have to be one over the other. We debate grace versus law only to go around in circles. I don’t know, maybe that is just the point of it. Law and Grace exist in harmony and cannot be separated. Maybe we should just accept the law as the written moral compass and grace as our truth about it.

We should just be holy because God is holy, and we should do His will because that is what we long for. Law and grace…it works together.

Holiness, Holiness is what I long for…
Holiness is what I need….
Holiness is what You want from me…