It’s been a couple of months since I took the time to write. I suppose my head is still swimming from all that I have learned about myself over the past few months. My time of vacation was wonderful and came a just the right time! God taught me a lot of things during this summer… most of which I think I’ll keep to myself for right now. I just really wanted to spend some time with my wonderful wife, and with God, while resting up on Big Turtle Lake. It was really “our time” and not an opportunity for me to find new gems to write about.
I will have to confess that during my God time this summer I learned a lot about me. If the truth be known, I probably learned more about the layers of stuff I added over my real self to create a false self. And, the reality of seeing the contrast in those two selves in the quiet of a Minnesota dawn helped me to shake myself out of the false self, and see myself once again as the man God called me to be.
Sometimes we try to clothe our false self with accomplishments, and glory, trying to make ourselves something we are not. And because there isn’t any substance to the false self, when all the coverings are stripped away, there is little left.
I’m working hard to take apart in small pieces my false self and allow my true self in Christ to emerge. It’s easier said than done! My desire to please people, along with all the expectations people have of me, as well as those I place on myself, have created a pretty thick web of coverings to shed.
I think that the most important blessing I’ve received through my time of rest was to help find who God has called me to be in Christ. I began to reconnect with the real me through silence and solitude, as well as trusted relationships. The silence and solitude was important because I’m still trying to find ways to escape the distractions and noise that continues to bombard my life and simply add to the confusion of who I truly am.
I especially am thankful for my trusted relationships. These special people in our lives are not the people who tell us what we want to hear, or the critics who are speaking out of their own personal pain, but they are the true, trusted friends and family, who can give me honest feedback about what they see God is doing in my life. They are people who can tell me when they see inconsistencies between how I’m acting, and who God has called me to be. They will come alongside me and coach me through the most difficult times, and be an encourager as I search for the person God created me to be.
While I know that these two things…solitude and relationships…may seem to contradict each other… they really don’t. It was Deitrich Bonhoeffer who said “Let the person who cannot be alone beware of community. Let the person who is not in community beware of being alone.” We all have to find this balance. Maybe I’m finally beginning to get it.
